The Other Side Of Good
by Mac-alicious
Summary: When a day turns for the worst for Hermione, she decides maybe there's room for a change in her life. Such a change spurs many new opportunities for her, and closes off some old ones as well.
1. I Had A Bad Day

A/N:This is my new story, The Other Side Of Good. This is loosely based on 'Mary' by Saving Jane (along the same lines as LMMS my LWD fic), but it went in a completely different direction that the other story. It's RHr in the beginning, but if you don't realize it by the middle of the chapter, I don't really like Ron all that much. Anyways, let me know what you think. R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

**Chapter One**

**I Had A Bad Day**

I have always been able to to start my day off on the right foot. I get an early start and it always put's me in a good mood for the day. It's my way of assuring that have enough time in the day to fit all of my hectic schedule in. I feel good knowing I've got a head start on the day. It's my way of starting my day right. I wake up early--before most people even attempt to get up--and I am ready to go just as the others are rising. If my alarm clock doesn't catch me, usually I can wake up on my own yet still on time.I can get up naturally. Most of the time I beat my clock, waking almost an hour earlier than my clock would go off. And I love that feeling, that rush of energy that stays with me through the day. I enjoy that feeling.

Today, I woke up late.

I never wake up late. I make it a point to never wake up late. I don't like waking up late. I hate feeling rushed, like suddenly I don't have enough time in the day for everything I have to do. I don't enjoy that feeling. I mean it's obvious that I avoid that feeling. I can't stand it. It's the wrong way to start my day. A bad omen for the day ahead of me. At least that's how I see it. My day started off bad, and I didn't want to think it was going to get worse--but I did.

My dormitory had already cleared out by the time I got up. That had never happened before. I was usually gone before anyone else was up, not the other way around. I hastily got dressed and threw on my cloak. While logically I had plenty of time to get to my first class, in my head I was drastically late. I was late for breakfast at the most, so I had to hurry if I wanted to catch even a bite of breakfast. I brushed my hair back and tied it up. I gathered all my things together--books, quills, parchment and my wand off my bedside table--and stuffed them into my bag. With a quick once over to make sure I had everything, and once assured I took off to the Great Hall.

Upon entering the Great Hall I headed toward the Gryffindor table in a quicker manner than usual. I took my usual seat next to Harry and across from Ron. I immediately began to scoop food onto my plate.

"You're a bit late this morning." Ron replied before shoving a fork full of food into his mouth.

I snapped my head up to look at him. While the words themselves may have seemed like a simple statement, but the way he said it just struck a nerve. After the fight we had the night before, him saying something with that much venom meant there was still bruised ego left over. Not that it surprised me, that was the case after most of our fights. Mostly because I'm usually right and he hates it. Our fighting really picked up after we started dating. I guess it just gave us more things to fight about.

I opened my mouth to say something but Harry interrupted, I think he noticed Ron's tone as well. Either that or he noticed the expression on my face. He just wanted to stop another fight.

"Yeah, Hermione. Ron's already on his third helping." Harry joked, his voice light.

"Really? Only his third?" I said coolly.

"Look Hermione, I know you're still mad that our anniversary slipped my mind, but I really think you could let it go now." Ron responded angrily.

"Slipped your mind? Ron you flat out forgot and you were gone most of the night. You didn't even offer an excuse as to where you were." I snapped.

"It isn't that big of a deal." Ron rolled his eyes.

"It was our six month anniversary! If I'm not mistaken that's a big deal. At least, to me it was a big deal. It was important to me." I exclaimed. "I get the feeling you didn't really care."

"What do you want me to say Hermione huh? What?" Ron scowled at me.

"I'm sorry would be a good place to start." I replied, folding my arms across my chest.

"No, I don't think so." Ron shook his head and smirked at me. "You should be the one apologizing to me. You jumped down my throat for no reason at all."

"No reason! No reason!" I called, my face red with anger.

"Yes, no reason. You were screaming at me before I even knew what was going on." Ron sneered.

"Well if you had just remembered, you would have known what I was going on about." I snapped. "I just wanted you to show me you cared and, well, you didn't

"Oh please Hermione. I care and you bloddy well know it." Ron rolled his eyes again.

"What a wonderful way to show it." I muttered.

Most of the people around us ignored our heated exchange and continued on with their breakfasts. This had become a usual occurence, especially in the Great Hall, because it seemed that meals were the only times Ron was present anymore. Pretty much everyone had gotten used to our bickering--at any degree. Even the professors had given up on mediating, or even acknowledging, our heated discussions. The only people who were watching our fight were Harry next to me and Ginny a few seats down. They knew how bad we could get into it and watched our every move. They had seen first hand over the summer, many a thing wound up broken after being flung at Ron's head. He just gets me so angry sometimes, all the time. I have had enough of it for today, so I dropped it.

"You know sometimes Hermione you can be a real..." Ron began.

"Don't finish that sentence." Harry cut in, quickly and angrily. He rarely interrupted, or attempted to break up, our fights anymore. First of all it rarely worked, and secondly rarely did it stop Ron from raving on into the middle of the night even after I've given up. Harry only interrupted when he thought something really, really bad was going to be said. I appreciated it, because it was usually Ron who was going to say it.

"Stay out of it, Harry." Ron snapped.

"Just forget it Ron. I don't care anymore." I replied and then asked politely, "Can you pass the eggs?"

"Yeah, sure." Ron replied, there was something in the tone of his voice that I didn't quite like, but I didn't really pay attention to it. I probably should have.

I felt something off in Ron's tone, and there was. I suddenly found the entire contents of a bowl of scrambled eggs in my lap. Ron smirked at me, placed the empty bowl back on the table and walked away, out of the Great Hall. I let out an angry, frustrated breath and stood. I shook as much off it off my clothes as I could, letting it litter the floor. I could hear both Ginny and Harry saying something to me, but I ignored them as I rushed out.

I headed directly, down the halls, toward the nearest girls' bathroom. They were following me, I could hear them. I was halfway there before Ginny caught up with me. She was out of breath, but silently kept up with my brisk pace. I could still hear Harry's footsteps following a few paces back. Ginny was right behind me as I pushed into the girls' room. I went to the first sink and began to wipe the remnants off of myself. I washed furiously. I was so angry and upset. Ron was so...so, I don't even know what he is! All because I as upset that _he_ missed our anniversary. I had a right to be upset.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even notice I was crying until Ginny pointed it out. "Don't let him make you cry. Ron is just being a stubborn arse. He doesn't want to be wrong."

"But he is wrong, right? I'm not the one making a big deal out of nothing, right?" I sniffed.

"He only did this because he knows you're right. It's his way of avoiding a fight. This way he doesn't have to deal with you proving him wrong, which you will evetually do--as always--because you're you and that's what you do."

My laugh came out strangled through my tears, "He really is just a thick headed prat."

"I'm really sorry he's acting this way." Ginny replied, "You don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't understand the things he does some times."

"I don't understand him either, Ginny." I sighed. "Sometimes I get so close to giving up on trying to work everything out."

"Maybe there's a decision you need to make." Ginny suggested.

"No, no. I can't do that to Ron. We can work through this. It we can just get past this fight we do." I shook my head.

"Look I'm sorry if I'm butting in, but I don't think you're gonna get past this fighting anytime soon."

"We have to." I stated firmly.

"I'm sorry to say it, but Ron isn't going to get any more sensitive to your feelings. He's my brother and I love him, but Ron can be a real jerk sometimes. I don't see him changing any time soon." Ginny said.

"This is hopeless." I exclaimed as I stopped my useless scrubbling, "You really shouldn't wait for me. You're going to be late to class."

"So are you." Ginny replied, "And Snape can just shove it. You need me. I'm staying right here."

Ginny sounded so much like her mother it was scary. All she needed to do was put her hands on her hips and stomp her foot, and the effect would be complete. I tried to suppress the laugh that rose in my throat.

"Thank you, Ginny." I nodded.

"It's no problem, Hermione." Ginny smiled and gave me a little hug, "That's what friends are for."

"You shouldn't _have _to do this. I shouldn't _have _to feel like this." I murmured.

"I know." Ginny nodded. "Ron shouldn't do things like this."

"Well there's not much more I can do here, so let's just go." I sighed, "I'll just have to change during my free period. If we hurry, we won't be _too_ late."

"Come on, Hermione." Ginny smiled and patted me on the back as we exited the bathroom.

Harry was waiting right outside when we came out. It looked like he had been pacing a majority of the time. Almost immediately after we opened the door he turned and ended up right in front of me.

"Are you okay?" Harry questioned.

"As much as I can be, I guess." I answered and managed a weak smile.

"She'll be just fine." Ginny added, "Now I must be off. Snape's head is gonna explode when I walk in late."

"I told you not to wait for me." I exclaimed.

"I don't care about what the old, greasy haired git has to say. I think it's hilarious when he gets all angry, flustered and such. And I could use a good laugh. Bye Harry and keep your chin up Hermione, it'll be okay." Ginny smirked as she headed off in the direction of the dungeons.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Harry repeated once Ginny was gone.

"I'm okay, Harry, I promise. You didn't have to wait for me." I answered.

"I wanted to." Harry replied.

"I don't want you to be late." I said.

"I won't be late. I don't have a class right now, remember?" Harry responded.

"Right. It's Friday." I shook my head. "I forgot. I just have a lot of other things on my mind right now. I wasn't really thinking about your schedule."

"Look, it doesn't matter." Harry smiled, "Come on, I'll walk you."

"Thank you." I said softly.

"It's nothing." Harry responded.

Harry walked me to my classroom and then went on his way. I was still upset about Ron, but I felt good--just a little--that there would be someone there for me even when he wasn't. They cared for me unconditionally. I liked knowing that. The only thing about it is that it made me realize how _conditional_ my relationship with Ron is. And I didn't like knowing that.

I got through my classes up until lunch as best I could. After my last class, I headed for the Great Hall. I was more comfortable now that I had changed my clothes. When I arrived at the Gryffindor table this time I sat down next to Harry but noticed the seat across from mine was vacant. It was odd. Ron was usually the first one to lunch. I ignored his absence nd went on to serve myself.

"I don't know where he's at." Harry spoke up suddenly, "He said he was goiing to talk to you the next time he saw you. I assumed he meant now."

"It doesn't really matter to me." I responded trying to make my voice sound casual.

At first it hadn't mattered to me, but by the time lunch was over halfway finished it began to matter. Ron never missed a meal if he could help it. He definitely never showed up this late. I hated it, but I was worried. I shouldn't have cared, but I did. I finished off the last of my plate and made to leave.

"Harry, I'm going to go look for Ron." I replied standing. "I don't like this. He never misses a meal. It's not like him."

"I'll go with you." Harry offered, "I'm done here anyway."

"You don't have to." I shook my head, "I'm sure I can find him on my own."

"I'm coming." Harry said firmly, following me toward the doors."Because you'll find him, and he'll say something stupid and if you're alone together you'll either find something heavy to heave at him and not miss or you'll use your wand to blast him into next month. Either way we end up with a crippled Ron and we have a Quidditch match next week."

I chuckled, most likely his intention was to make me laugh. "You don't have a Quidditch match next week."

"It was a joke. You had to state the flaw in it didn't you?" Harry smiled, "Besides we can't have a crippled Ron at anytime, it would be absolutely stressful...and annoying. Once you got through with him--if we ever let you that is--he'd be worse off than Malfoy after Buckbeak attacked him."

"I could poke you in the arm and you'd be worse off than Malfoy was after Buckbeak attacked him." I said, correcting him.

"I meant how he would act about it afterward: moaning and groaning, fainting just to get the full effect. And it was a joke if you didn't notice. You just can't let it go without correcting me, can you?" Harry replied. He rolled his eyes at me. I stuck my tongue out at him in response. "Mature, real mature, Hermione."

"Well you know me." I smiled.

"So where do you want to try first?" Harry asked.

"I was thinking we could try..." I trailed off as we came up on a halfway closed door. I could hear voices coming from inside.

After a few soft spoken words reached my ears I recognized Ron's voice. For the best of me I couldn't figure out why Ron would be in _that _classroom. He didn't have a class there, or anywhere near there. I frowned as my confusion surfaced. Finally I just decided to look in, there had to be an explanation--a logical one. The door was open just enought to look in, without being seen, from the hallway. I peeked my head around and my jaw instantly dropped at the sight. Harry said something quietly to me, but I didn't hear it, before he too looked around. I didn't get a chance to see his reaction because I had already darted off down the hallway in the opposite direction. I just had to be anywhere but there. Anywhere far, far, far away from there. I turned one last corner and fell back against the wall. I leaned my head back to rest, my eyes closed as I tried to regain the ability to breathe.

Harry appeared in front of me a minute later. He was out of breath and his glasses were crooked on his nose. He must have chased me the entire way. For a moment he didn't say anything. He straigtened his glasses, righting them on his face. Then he came and mimiced my position next to me.

"You run bloody fast when you want to." Harry said, trying to break the tension.

"And I can throw a decent punch." I added.

"Third year." Harry nodded.

"Third year." I confirmed, then added, "That was the year I figured out that I like Ron.

"That was the year the fighting started." Harry shook his head, "About what we just saw..."

"Are you going to try and convince me what I saw wasn't what I really saw, that I'm mistaken, that there's a logical explanation for it?" I questioned, turning to look at Harry. "Because I know what I saw. There's no explaining it away, and there's no mistaking what I saw."

"No." Harry answered, "I wasn't going to."

"Did you know?" I asked.

"No." Harry repeated.

"Are you lying to me?" I demanded.

"No...yes...No, not really." Harry stammered. "I had a hunch. I didn't say anything because if I was wrong you'd both hate me."

"A hunch? Based on what?" I inquired, it was just too much to absorb quickly.

"Based on, you don't wear perfume." Harry answered simply, "You only wear it on special occasions."

"What does that have to do with..." My voice had picked up in frustration, but then I realized what he meant and I didn't finish my sentence. "Oh."

"He'd come in smelling like some flowery perfume and I just thought there had to be some explanation for it. It just didn't sit right with me because the only perfume you own is the one Ron gave you and you never wear that, and when you do wear anything it smells like vanilla, not flowers." Harry explained, "I should have said something."

"You remember that about me?" I replied, surprised. I didn't think anyone noticed things like that about me. Ron certainly didn't.

"Yeah." Harry nodded, then looked away. He wasn't going to say anymore.

"How long?" I said quietly, looking at the floor. I needed to know.

"Almsot four months." Harry answered.

"Four months? Four months! How could he...How dare he..." I stopped suddenly, "That means almost right after we got back to school."

"I'm sorry Hermione. I should have said something about it. You shouldn't have found out like this. I could have warned you at least--that there was a possibility and all." Harry rambled.

"It's not your fault." I said firmly. "He's the one who should feel guilty. Four months, Harry. He's been playing me for four months. This must be like some game to him. 'How long can I fool my girlfriend?' He doesn't really care about me at all does he?"

I looked to Harry for an answer, but he didn't seem to have one. I let out a soft sigh and slid down the wall so I was now sitting on the ground. Harry followed suit and put a comforting arm aruond my shoulders.

"I'm sure he cares about you." Harry finally answered.

"Just not the way he should." I added.

"Yeah." He agreed.

I sat silently. I just wanted to forget what I saw. Erase it from my memory. I didn't want to keep visualizing my boyfriend practically shagging a half naked Lavender. If I had stayed any longer I probably would have had a nice view of the actual act. I didn't want to think of it. I could obliviate myself--or ask Harry to--but now that I knew I had an actual excuse to do something I had been struggling to do for months. I could break up with him and not feel guilty. So this knowledge, however sickening it was, was actually a good thing in a way. If you looked at it the right way. At the moment I wasn't looking at it the right way.

"Come on, Hermione. We have to get to Potions." Harry suddenly said, lightly tugging on my arm to get me to stand up.

"Right." I replied and stood, following Harry to the dungeons. "Work with me today, please."

"Of course." Harry agreed.

I usually worked with Ron, and Harry with Neville. Under there circumstances, however, there was no way I could handle working with Ron. So I opted for Harry instead, it was a safer choice. At least I could have a chance at not attacking Ron in the middle of a classroom. Usually I could contain myself, but right now I didn't trust myself in close proximity of him.

I was sitting next to Harry when Ron came in. Lavender came in shortyly behind him, long enough to not raise the suspicion that they had been together. I started to notice how many times they had done that, how they must plan their entrances. He caught sight of us, he scowled and walked over.

"I thought you were going to work with me, Hermione." Ron replied. His voice was so accusing that it took all I had not to say 'that was before I caught you cheating on me with that giggling twit over there.'

"I asked her to help me because I knew the potion today was going to give me trouble." Harrry lied, very well I might say. He would have convince me if I hadn't known better.

"Doesn't matter, mate." Ron shook his head. "Lavender, you want to work with me?"

"Sure Ron." Lavender giggled.

"But you work with me!" Parvati exclaimed, whipping around to look at Lavender, who was gathering her things to sit with Ron. "Who am I supposed to work with?"

"Neville is free." Lavender smirked.

"Humph." Parvati groaned and moved over with Neville.

I hadn't expected that. I figured he would just sulk and work with Neville. But to work with Lavender right in front of me, he didn't think that was a bit obvious? She was too receptive for there to _not _be something going on. Far too receptive. Having seen them with my own eyes, I was very aware of what he was doing.

Even after Snape came in and began the lesson, and I tried to focus on our potion, I was still aware of every move they made. At one point Lavender giggled loudly, incredibly loudly, loud enoug to draw the attention of everyone in the room. I turned to watch them and she had her hand on his arm while he smirked at her. My stomach tightened, and my concentration faltered so that I didn't hear Harry's warning or notice what I put into our potion. I didn't notice until it exploded in my face. Harry pulled me backwards away from it and I coughed trying to expel the smoke from my lungs.

Snape was at our table in less than a second, observing the mess we--I--had created. His nose crinkled in disgust and I awaited his punishment for my mix up, though I was sure it would be more severe than was deserved.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor..." Snape snarled, "For your unfinished, unfunctional potion."

"That's absurd!" I exclaimed, "It was a harmless mistake."

"I wasn't finished Ms. Granger. For the table you destroyed and speaking out of turn...detention tonight." Snape added. I scowled but remained silent. Snape turned to go back to his desk.

"Nice going Mudblood." Malfoy sneered from a table over, "Were you trying to reduce your table to splinters or are you just that stupid?"

"Bite your tongue Malfoy." Harry snapped his hand on my shoulder.

"Make me Potter." Malfoy smirked.

"I'll do more than make you." Before I could stop him, Harry had his wand drawn and aimed at Malfoy.

"Harry put it away." I replied softly.

"Yes Harry, put it away." Malfoy sing songed. "You wouldn't want to hurt yourself or your little Mudblood girlfriend...no wait, isn't she the Weasel's girlfriend? How either of you could sink so low is beyond me."

"You have no idea what you're dealing with right now." Harry said in a low voice.

"I know that..." Malfoy began.

"That's enough Mr. Malfoy." Snape snapped suddenly, "Return to your potion."

"Yes professor." Malfoy replied and turned away from us.

"Mr. Potter, please lower your wand." Snape said, and Harry obeyed. "You have detention tonight as well, to keep Ms. Granger company."

Harry was angry, I could tell, but he didn't speak and turned back to me. He gave me half a hug and whispered his apologies.

"Right in front of me. How can he?" I muttered.

"I don't know." harry responded.

"He really doesn't care, does he?"

"I don't know anymore." Harry replied.

We stayed quiet for the remainder of the class. Once class ended I stuck close to Harry as we exited. Our last free period of the day, the three of us usually spent together. Today was different though. We left without Ron and were already on our way out of the dungeons before he caught up with us.

"Hey, what's with you guys? You didn't wait for me." Ron said scowling. "I don't appreciate this whole cold shoulder."

"She's not happy with you right now." Harry replied. To put it lightly I'm not happy, I thought. "And frankly, neither am I."

"Is this about the whole anniversary thing? I was going to apologize during Potions but you were working with Harry." Ron responded.

"It's not about 'the whole anniversary thing.'" I snapped, and stopped walking. Harry and Ron did the same.

"Then what is it about? What did I do?" Ron questioned.

"Just forget it for now. I can't talk to you right now." I exclaimed and started walking again.

"But Hermione, I don't understand." Ron said walking along with me.

I stopped again. "You're not meant to understand. That's the point. God, I can't even look at you right now."

I was walking again as Ron asked Harry instead, "Harry mate, what did I do? Tell me she's just overreacting here."

"Overracting? No, she's not overreacting." Harry answered simply. "Not in the slightest."

"Tell me what I did Hermione." Ron demanded.

"Just go away Ron!" I yelled. "Just go away."

"I have a right to know." Ron snapped and grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop.

"Hands off, Ron." Harry snapped, pushing him away from me.

"What's your problem, _mate_?" Ron spat out the last word.

"Just leave her alone for a little whiel okay?" Harry responded. "You're just making this worse."

"How is that possible when I don't even know what _this_ is?" Ron exclaimed.

"Leave it alone." Harry commanded. "Leave it alone."

"Fine, I'll see you at dinner." Ron replied and walked off.

"Insensitive, self-centered, cheating arse!" I called after Ron was out of earshot. "He is such a stubborn prat. Bloody hell!"

"Language, Hermione." Harry chuckled. "Probably not the right time, but when did you start cursing?"

"Tenth of July." I answered quickly. I didn't have to think about it, I knew the answer.

"The day you and Ron started dating?" Harry responded.

"Yes." I nodded. The first time I even had the urge to use such words was an hour after Ron asked me out. We had one of the worst fights ever. But I doubted it wuold compete with the one we'll have tomorrow when I confront him.

"Sad thought, that is." Harry said.

"I know." I agreed. "What am I going to do, Harry?"

"I don't know." Harry answered truthfully.

"I can't believe he did this to me. It's so hard to believe." I sighed. "He's changed so much. He's not the Ron I was friends wit, he's not the Ron I like, the Ron I agreed to date. He's not Ron anymore."

"Hermione, I..." Harry began.

"Do not apologize for him." I cut him off. I knew an apology was coming. "This is all _his_ fault. Your guilt is misplaced."

"I was going to say 'I was thinking the same thing.' Ron really is different. But..." Harry replied.

"Oh." I said. "Well, what I said was true."

"This is his fault." Harry agreed. "And I just want to know you're considering everything when you make your decision."

"What decision?" I exclaimed, "Ron pretty much made that decision for me."

"But he doesn't know that. I want you to make a decision that is right for _you_." Harry corrected, "I want to see you really happy again. I haven't seen you truly happy in a long time. And I don't want you to rush into something and then regret it."

"It's over Harry. I can't do this anymore. He's hurt me so many times, but I've always told myself that he cared and if I ended things it would hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him. Now it's all I can do not to hurt him, badly." I said softly. "Funny thing is, just this morning Ginny was saying there might be a decision I needed to make and I flat out told her no. That I couldn't do that to Ron. She said we probably weren't going to get past all the fighting we do, and that Ron wasn't going to change. I just waved her off. She was right Harry. I should have listened to her."

"Sounds like you did, to me." Harry replied.

"I guess you're right." I agreed, "I do have to end this though, I absolutely have to."

"I'm here for you, always." Harry said putting a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"I know." I smiled weakly. "Can we skip dinner? I'm not ready to face him yet."

"Sure." Harry nodded immediately, "We can head down to the kitchens and get Dobby to make us something."

"I guess that's better than having to handle Ron through all of dinner." I shrugged. While I didn't like making Dobby go out of his way for us, I didn't feel like seeing Ron yet.

"Come on, let's go then." Harry suggested, "We still have detention with Snape tonight."

"I haven't forgotten yet." I shook my head, "Today really was the worst day for me."

"Things will be okay, Hermione." Harry replied.

"I hope so." I sighed.

I let Harry put an arm around me and lead me toward the kitchens. I don't think everything had quite sunk in yet. Sure I was angry and upset but it really hadn't set in yet. I was still my usual rational, logical self. It wasn't really impacting me fully yet. Ron had cheated on me. While I had come to terms with what I had to do about it, emotionally it hadn't hit home. But it would, and I probably wouldn't be ready for it. This really was a bad day.

And I had know, hadn't I?


	2. I Can't Live This Way Anymore

A/N:Here's chapter two! R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**Chapter Two**

**I Can't Live This Way Anymore**

It hit me hard, fast and hard, later that night. It just happened so suddenly I wasn't prepared. It hit me so hard, hard enough to cause me to burst into tears in the middle of my detention with Snape. And they wouldn't go away no matter what I did. Harry did his best to try and calm me down--without drawing Snape's attention--but it didn't help either.

I somehow managed to make it through the hour without completely breaking down. It wasn't until I was out of the dungeons and halfway to Gryffindor Tower that I allowed myself to submit to it. I fell against one of the walls of the corridor and let the tears flow freely. I was taking deep gulps of air, trying my best to fill my lungs through my sobs. I slipped down the wall and sat on the ground. I pulled my legs up to my chest and dropped my face into my arms. I was shaking uncontrollably.

The next thing I knew I was being pulled away from the wall and into warm arms. Harry stroked my back gently as he hugged me to him. I buried my face into his neck, and settled there. As I got comfortable in Harry's arms the need for tears seemed to evaporate a little. I felt horrible, but not as utterly dreadful as I had just moments before. I pulled away slightly, after my tears had subsided a little, so I could look at Harry.

"Why would he do this to me?" I cried. Even as I looked to Harry for an answer, I doubted he had one.

"As much as I wish I had an explanation, I don't." Harry answered softly.

"Is this my fault? Did I do something to deserve this?" I was rambling and the tears were back full force. "I was a good girlfriend, wasn't I? I did all I could to make this work, didn't I? I tried my best to stay with him, but I can't anymore, not after this. I never intentionally hurt him. How could he do this?"

"I don't know what to say, Hermione. This isn't your fault. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Other than that, I don't know. I can't tell you what Ron's thinking, doing this to you, but I can tell you he's a bloody arse for doing it." Harry was trying to be comforting, he really was. I had to give him credit. It wasn't his fault it wasn't working.

"Thanks for trying, Harry." I mumbled. "At least you're trying. That's more than I can say for Ron."

"Come on Hermione, let's get you back to the dormitory." Harry suggested.

He stood and offered me a hand to help me up. I grasped his hand and pulled myself off of the ground. I followed him the rest of the way to Gryffindor Tower. I couldn't be more grateful that I had Harry. He was always there for me--more so than even Ron was. He could be so supportive without a second thought--and Ron never was. The only thing Ron ever did was tear down anything I ever did. It was always a fight with Ron. He never tookt he time to _listen_ to me. He never cared about the things I cared about. I knew that but he could have at least left it alone. He would go out of his way to tell me the way I was living was wrong. Our relationship was unmanageable most of the time but I never thought it would lead to _this._ This surprised me.

While Ron was capable of a lot of hurtful things--like dumping a bowl of eggs in my lap--but I never thought he could do this. He was supposed to be loyal and faithful. He was supposed to be the person I could turn to. But he wasn't. Increasinly that person had been Harry. Ron fell short in a lot of aspects of our relationship, but I never thought he was capable of doing something like this. It was Ron, for goodness sake. He was the eleven year old boy with a smudge on his nose, on the Hogwarts Express. He was the boy who would do anything for his friends--including participating in a far too realistic chess match. He was the Ron I had fell for. What had happened to that Ron? He had disappeared somewhere along the way.

Ron can be fiercly loyal when he wants to be. I know he can. He just never seems to apply such loyalty when it comes to our relationship. It was evident he wasn't loyal to me. Our relationship is based on _his_ conditions, or at least the quality of our relationship is based on his conditions. It can be good when _he_ doesn't take things personally. It can be great when_ he _doesn't feel as if he needs to insult everything I do. It can be good when _he_ remembers special days. It can be great when _he _doesn't treat me like garbage. Things could be wonderful if he would let them be. But he won't. And I just can't take it anymore. I'm done. I'm through with it.

I can see it now, how ridiculous I've been. I was so afraid to hurt Ron that I forgot to even consider how bad I was hurting. I put myself second to Ron. I didn't think about myself--even when it was clear Ron _only_ thought of himself. He was my top priority, but I wasn't his. And that was what was wrong with our relationship. We weren't on the same page when it came to our relationship and that was why it didn't work out, no matter how hard as I tried.

Realizing that now is bittersweet. It's great that I know that, that I figured it out, but it's just too little too late. If I had figured that out a long time ago, I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache. But like they say, hindsight is twenty-twenty. I can't change the past, I can only prepare myself better in the furture. I wouldn't leave myself vulnerable to such a thing. I will protect myself better. I won't open myself up to that kind of pain. I'll do better.

It's even worse to realize this is as much my own fault as it is his. I know nobody will blame me for what I'm going to do, that's not what I'm talking about. It's my fault I let it go on this long. I let him hurt me over and over again, and I never did anything about it. I took it. Well, I'm not taking it anymore.

It's about time for a change.

I need something different in my life. A new attitude. A new outlook. A new me. I just need more than what I've been living. I didn't think things would ever have to change, but they do. They are far from perfect and they _need_ to change. I don't know how, but they will. I'll make sure of it, no matter what I have to do. It's time for a big change, because things have to get better. There's no way they can get worse. I won't allow that. I'm ready for something new. Everyone else had better be ready too.


	3. A Change Will Be Good For Me

A/N: Here's chappie three! I know it took a long time to get out, but hey, it's here. Uh, again, if you didn't realize it...I don't really like Ron much. He's kind of crazy mean in this story, but that's how I wanted him to be. Anyway...here it is! R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

**Chapter Three**

**A Change Will Be Good For Me**

I said I wanted to change and I will. Today. Right now. I am not waiting anymore. I can't wait anymore. I need this _now_.

People always say you should be your own person. Be yourself. Don't let others define who you are. Don't depend on others to make your life whole. You don't need a guy to be important. All that advice that you're showered in. It swirls around your head, you tell yourself that you will never make those mistakes and then it all blows out the window once you're in a relationship.

Suddenly having a guy in your life becomes so important. Once you have him you will do anything to keep him. Even if that means you take the back burner. He will be your top priority even if you aren't his. You find yourself thinking that you would be nothing without him. You think it's got to be true because the feeling is so intense. It just takes you over. Now, you live to be his girlfriend instead of living to be you.

How do I know? I just lived it. My relationship with Ron was just like this. And now I can finally see it. It's about time I started living for me.

That's what I resolve to do: live for myself. I shouldn't have to be a second thought. I should come first--if not for Ron then for myself. I intend to do for myself without having to think about what Ron will think, do, or say about it. From now on I will make every decision my own. Not Ron's.

But, how to do that? How do I show Ron that I'm done with him having such a power over me? I was going to move on. So how do I end it?

There was a Hogsmead trip today. I had told Ron earlier this week that I would go with him--like an official date--but that wasn't going to happen. Not when I had caught him cheating on me the day before. I was still going, just not with him.

I was halfway ready when I got a look of myself in the mirror. I smiled as an idea came to mind. I pulled off the heavy sweater that I had gotten from Mrs. Weasley this Christmas, opting for the more form fitting shirt underneath. A few months back Ginny had discovered some cosmetic charm technique that would tame my stubborn hair. I just hadn't gotten around to using it yet. Now was just as good a time as ever. Amazingly enough it worked like a charm. I let my hair fall free over my shoulders and clasped a necklace around my neck. I adjusted the pendant and started on my makeup. I did everything a little darker, a little heavier, but not in too much excess. I finished off by pulling a jacket on--the weather was still crisp enough for it--and then made my way to the common room.

When I came to the bottom of the staircase I took a deep breath and began to look for Ron. I had to do this right away. I didn't have to look for long, because the next thing I knew Ron was right in front of me. I had to take a step back, he popped up so close to me.

"Hey Hermione. Are you ready to go?" Ron asked enthusiastically, looking me up and down--like that wasn't obvious.

"Yeah." I forced myself to answer.

"Great. Let's go." Ron smiled and headed for the portrait hole. I stayed put. After a moment Ron realized I wasn't following and he turned around. "Are you coming?"

I shook my head, "No."

"But you just said..." Ron began.

"I just said I was _ready _to go. I didn't say I was going with you. Or that I was going at all." I corrected.

"But you're..." Ron gestured at my body.

"I'm what?" I questioned. My hands found their way to my hips as I stared him down--daring him to finish the sentence.

"You can't possibly still be mad at me." Ron muttered angrily.

"No, I'm not mad at you." I said.

"Then what's with the _tone_?" Ron questioned. "Sounds like you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you." I repeated, then added, "I'm breaking up with you."

"What?" Ron exclaimed.

"I am breaking up with you." I responded. "It's easy enough to understand. I'm not you're girlfriend anymore."

I slipped past him and moved in the direction of where Harry and Ginny were waiting for me. But before I could get very far, Ron grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I ripped my arm from his grasp and stepped back.

"Don't you ever touch me again!" I snapped, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I am your boyfriend! That's what I am!" Ron snarled and stepped forward so he was up in my face again.

"Not anymore." I responded and made for the portrait hole, leaving the common room and Ron behind.

Harry and Ginny followed shortly after. I waited halfway down the corridor to let them catch up. Once they reached me I began to walk again--heading for the entrance hall. I couldn't stay still. Harry and Ginny walked on either side of me quitely--but I could tell they had something to say.

Harry spoke up first. "Are you okay?"

"I will be." I answered simply. "He doesn't believe me, you know."

"What do you mean?" Ginny inquired, looking confused.

"He doesn't believe that I want to break up. He thinks I'm just upset. He thinks I'll get over it. I know he does. I can see it in his eyes. He's just going through the motions." I explained, "Do you know how many times we've broken up?"

"Twice." Harry answered seemingly confident in his answer. "Once about two weeks after you got together and once the week before Christmas break."

"No, it was three." Ginny corrected him. "She also broke up with him the day after they got together, claiming she changed her mind."

I shook my head, "You're both wrong."

"Then how many times?" Ginny asked. "Four? Did we miss one?"

"Thirty-eight." I responded. "Not including today. And each and everytime we got back together by the next day. He never believed me, mostly because I never believed myself. I don't blame him for not believing me this time."

"But you do mean it this time, right?" Ginny inquired.

"Yes. After what he did, I can't be with him anymore." I nodded.

"The eggs or the anniversary?" Ginny said.

"Neither." I shook my head, and looked at Harry. "You didn't tell her?"

"Tell me what?" Ginny piped up, but went ignored.

"I didn't know if you wanted anyone to know." Harry replied.

"You could have told Ginny." I said.

"Tell me what?" Ginny replied.

"I didn't know if I could tell her." Harry shrugged.

"Tell me what?!" Ginny exclaimed.

I sighed, "Ron cheated on me."

"What?" Ginny nearly shouted, her eyes wide.

"I caugth him yesterday with Lavender." I added.

"He cheated on you. You caught him. And he still comes up to you like nothing happened?" Ginny frowned.

"He doesn't know." I replied.

"What do you mean he doesn't know?" Ginny scowled, "If he was cheating on you, I'm pretty sure he would be aware of his actions and knew that he was doing it."

"No. He doesn't know that I know he cheated on me. I saw them together, but I didn't say anything, I haven't said anything to him about it." I explained, I stopped as we arrived in the entrance hall.

"My mum is going to kill him when she finds out about this." Ginny mumbled as she walked out the doors and onto the front lawn.

The three of us got into one of the carriages that would take us to Hogsmeade. Ginny sat across from me, and Harry sat next to me. When the carriage came to a stop, Ginny was the first to get out. Just as I was about to step out, Harry stopped me.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Harry asked.

"I'll be fine, Harry." I smiled slightly. "Promise."

"Hermione, it would be okay to be upset." Harry replied, not quite looking at me.

"I am upset--just a little. But I don't really care anymore. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. I _will_ be fine, Harry." I responded.

Harry sighed, "If you say so."

I nodded quickly and stepped out of the carriage. I took a couple of steps away to allow Harry to do the same. Ginny was waiting for us not far from the carriage. We headed in her direction.

"I kind of told Luna I would meet her here and spend the day with her." Ginny said, once we arrived in front of her. "But I can get out of it, if you'd like me to stay with you."

"No, Ginny." I shook my head, "You have plans. I refuse to let Ron mess up your day too."

"Okay. I'll see you in the common room later tonight?" Ginny agreed--but her voice held a certain degree of skepticism that told me she wanted to stay anyway.

"Yeah." I smiled and nodded.

Ginny hurried off to meet Luna, and left Harry and me alone. I noticed he was acting a little strange all morning. I kept catching his eyes flickering toward me, but he would never completely look at me. I mean he said the right things, expressed the right words at the right time. He was still normal Harry in that aspect. But in his other behaviors he was acting a little unusual.

"Harry, what's the matter?" I finally asked as we began to walk down the street.

"What do you mean?" Harry responded, but still didn't look at me.

"You're acting strange." I said and then added, "And you won't look at me."

"It's just...It's just you look--you look different." Harry stammered.

"It's not bad is it?" I asked, turning to look at him. I wanted to know if he was telling the truth and I needed to see his face to do that. It was always in his eyes.

"No, not bad. You just look _different_." Harry answered.

"You know, I feel different." I responded. "I finally made a decision all for myself. It feels good."

"I'm glad to hear that." Harry smiled. "Come on, let's go to Honeydukes before it's overrun. Not everyone's here yet."

I spent most of my day shopping with Harry. Honeydukes, Zonko's and such. Right before we were going to head back to Hogwarts, we stopped in at Madam Rosemerta's for a butterbeer. I found an empty table--a difficult feat to accomplish, the place was crowded--while Harry went to get our drinks. While I was waiting for Harry to return, I was suddenly bombarded by Lavender. I had seen her sitting with Parvati, her twin sister Padma, and a couple of girls from Ravenclaw when I came in. But I never thought she would have the nerve to come over to me.

"Oh Hermione!" Lavender exclaimed, with a false frown on her face--like she was concerned for my feelings, please. "I saw what happened this morning with you and Ron. I think it's very brave of you to still come here alone."

"I'm not here alone." I scowled, I would only be able to tolerate her for so long before I blew up in her face.

"Of course you're not." Lavender smiled, "You should come sit with us."

I laughed, "I'm here with Harry."

"Oh, of course you are." Lavender looked a little thrown, but she collected herself. "So this thing with Ron is seriously over? Because Ron's great for you, but we've always thought you and Harry..."

I cut her off. "I'm not _with_ Harry. _Not like that_. We came to Hogsmead together, but not on a date."

Again Lavender had an odd look cross her features. "Well you're both welcome to join us."

Her last comment was soft, barely audible. As the last word left her lips she turned and walked away. I knew exactly what she was trying to do. Now that I knew about them, I knew. She was trying to get the picture from my point of view. If I was really through with Ron then it would be easier for her to convince him to give up on me and be with just her. I was surprised by the sickening urge I had to do something hideous to her. How dare she act like she was my friend, like she was worried about me, when she knew she had been going behind my back with my boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend. I'll have to get used to that.

"Is everything okay? I saw Lavender coming this way. You didn't splatter her against some wall or something, did you?" Harry replied as he returned with two mugs clutched in his hands.

"No, she's fine. She's back over there. She was worried about me being alone, apparantly." I scoffed. "I tell her I'm here with you and she jumps to the crazy conclusion that we're dating."

Harry sputtered on the sip of butterbeer he had taken. "Dating? Really?"

"Yeah. And I fought the urge to splatter her against some wall, as you put it. She actually asked if I was seriously through with Ron. Like that wasn't obvious." I explained before taking a sip from my drink.

Harry shook his head. "Did she really?"

"Yes." I answered. "I think she actually liked the idea of us being together--dating I mean."

"Why would you say that?" Harry asked, turning to me.

"Well, I assume, because she would think that it would leave Ron up for grabs." I responded, shrugging.

"And she would have a head start on grabbing." Harry added.

"Exactly." I agreed. "But it's a crazy idea, right?"

"Yeah." Harry nodded, but looked down a moment after.

"Come on." I said a little later, as we finished our drinks, "We should head back."

When we got back to the common room almost everyone was already there. Ginny was seated at a table with a girl from her year. Lavender and Parvati were on a couch near the fireplace. Seamus and Dean were involved in a game of chess at another table. And Ron was in a chair near where Lavender was seated. Where he had a clear view of the entrance--comings and goings.

And he didn't look very happy when he saw Harry and me come in.

He was out of his chair and right on top of us in less than a second. We had barely made it in before he stopped our path--standing in front of us with an angry look on his face. While I thought his angry feelings would be directed toward me, his eyes were on Harry.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ron directed to Harry, his voice low and tone demanding.

"I don't know what you're talking about, mate." Harry responded.

"Of course you do. You could at least be up front about it. I don't enjoy hearing this from someone else." Ron replied--still as vague as when he began.

"Hearing what?" Harry questioned.

"That you were messing around with _my _girlfriend. Who the hell do you think you are?" Ron's voice raised dramatically and he shoved Harry backward--almost into the wall.

I took a step sideways, so I was between them. "_Ex_-girlfriend, Ron. _Ex_. And leave Harry alone. He did nothing to you. You brought this on yourself."

"This isn't my fault. You broke off plans with me to take off with Harry!" Ron exclaimed turning onto me.

"I broke up with _you. _I didn't blow off our plans. I _broke up_ with you." I scowled.

"You would think that if we had broken up you would be a little more torn up. Yet, you aren't." Ron snapped, his voice laced with sarcasm.

"Who are you to tell me how I feel? I _am_ torn up. I am falling apart, I am breaking down inside and why? Why am I so broken? Hmm...Let's see, because my so called boyfriend has been unfaithful to me for the majority of our screwed up relationship and he was stupid enough to let me catch him!" I cried out at him. I could feel the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"Hermione, I don't know what..." Ron began, his voice suddenly lower, but I cut him off.

"Don't you dare say you don't know what I'm talking about! I saw you! Do you understand what that means? I saw you, you can't play dumb. You can't lie. It's over." I shook my head in frustration. "You cheated on me, and I had to see it firsthand. Do you know how much that hurt? So maybe I didn't show it, but I certainly felt it."

I was about to add to that when I heard Lavender say something, to my side, a comment that caught my ear. "Guys can be such animals. It's disgusting, really."

She had spoken loudly--obviously loud enough for me to hear. She meant for me to hear her--the same way she had expressed false concern in Hogsmead. For the same reason, too. If she was sympathetic, if she was on my side than I wouldn't suspect her of betrayal. I wouldn't think it was her. But I had seen her. I knew it was her.

I whipped around to look at her. "Lavender, don't act so innocent. Did you not hear me say I saw him, Lavender? That means I was there, Lavender. I saw who he was with _Lavender_."

"I don't know what you're implying." Lavender replied, after I had punctuated her name in each of my previous sentences.

"I wasn't _implying_ anything. I was just filling you in." I stated, reducing my tone and making it even.

"You're talking crazy, Hermione." Ron snapped with his voice low. He stalked closer to me. "You're making a scene."

"A scene? _I'm _making a scene? You want to talk about making a scene? I'll tell you about a scene." I felt anger and hurt feelings bubbling up to the surface, ready to lash out at him. "Yesterday, my boyfriend dumped a bowl of eggs in my lap because he was mad that I called him on one of his flaws. For some crazy reason, despite what he did, I was worried about him when he didn't show up for lunch. Because he never missed a meal, _ever_. So, I went looking for him and what did I find? I caught him in an empty classroom practically shagging a girl who was not his girlfriend."

"That's a great story, Hermione. You're just trying to make me look bad. It's not working." Ron replied, "Maybe if you didn't make up some crazy story, people would believe you."

"I didn't make it up, Ron." I scowled. "And you know it. I saw you with Lavender--I wish I hadn't but I did."

"I have done nothing of the sort!" Lavender exclaimed jumping from her seat.

I shook my head, unable to suppress the laugh that rose in my throat. "Deny it all you want. I know what I saw. It's over Ron."

Ron grabbed me by the arm as I tried to turn away from him. "It's not over until I say it is."

I jerked away, throwing his hand off of me. It was then that I remembered that Harry was still standing there. He took a few steps and stood in front of me protectively. His eyes narrowed as he dared Ron to touch me again. Harry would always be the one to protect us all. It was just the person he was.

It was supposed to be the person Ron was.

"Stay out of this Harry." Ron snapped.

"Or what, Ron?" Harry replied, "What are you going to do?"

"Just get out of my way, Harry. This is between me and Hermione." Ron took a step closer to Harry.

"You're done talking." Harry stated simply. "Leave her alone. And if you touch her again, God help me...I will make you regret it."

"This isn't any of your business, Harry." Ron took another step closer.

"Want to know a little something Ron? I saw you too. And when it comes down to it, you hurt Hermione. I won't let you do that anymore." Harry replied, keeping his voice calm. "Leave her alone."

"Harry, I won't ask you again...Move." Ron scowled directing all his anger at Harry. "Let me talk to her."

"No." Harry shook his head.

The next thing I knew Ron had lunged at Harry, causing him to stumble backwards. Harry shoved Ron off of him and stepped away from him. Ron staggered but was coming at Harry again a moment later.

"Ron stop!" I yelled.

Ron stopped and looked up at me. He shook his head. "I want to talk to you...alone."

"No." I refused. "We're through, no more discussions. I'm done."

I shook my head. I could feel the tears that were threatening to fall. They pricked at the back of my eyes. I needed a walk. I needed to clear my mind.

Without another word I went back through the portrait hole and made my way through the corridors. I heard the footsteps behind me and I had known that Harry would follow me. I didn't acknowledge him until we were outside, standing together on the edge of the lake.

I took a deep breath before speaking. "Did I handle that right?"

"I think you handled it the best that you could." Harry answered.

"He couldn't just admit it? It would have been so much easier if he would have just not denied it. Why did he have to call me a liar?" I questioned, voicing all the thoughts that were racing through my head.

"He hates being wrong." Harry said simply.

"I never thought I would do that." I replied after a moment of silence.

"Do what?" Harry asked tilting his head so he was looking at me.

"Have enough courage to break up with him, and stay broken up." I sighed, "I feel like I can be a bit stronger on my own--I think I like it."


	4. I Might Like This

A/N: Yay! I updated another story! Congratulate me! Jk. Anyway, I haven't been able to update anything recently, but yesterday I started to update an LWD story called Faster, and I figured I might as well try my hardest to update this one as well. So this chapter is kind of short, but I planned it that way. The next chapter is kind of short as well, but it should be out right after this one so you get two at once and the length doesn't matter as much. Anyway...Enjoy! Read & Review! Thanks -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

**Chapter Four**

**I Might Like This**

I'm starting to enjoy my little changes. I'm not invisible anymore. I relish in the little extra attention I get. Harry insists I was always _seen_. But I have to disagree. I was predictable. I was only Hermione the bookworm--always studying, always reading, always in the library. People don't pay attention to something they've seen before, a million times over. But this new Hermione I've created grabs your attention. I do the same old things in a new way--with a new air about me--and people look. I know it's a little superficial (and completely unlike me) but I like it when people look.

I love feeling confident and strong all the time. I used to walk around feeling small and miniscule, because Ron made me feel such a way all the time. Now I can hold my head up high. I don't feel ashamed about who I am, because I don't have anyone telling me I should feel that way. I'm proud of who I am for once in my life. I figure it was less a change in fashion and more a change in attitude.

Harry, again, insists that I was already pretty strong and brave to begin with. He says I was already one of the strongest, bravest people he knew. It's all well and good that he believed that. He's my best friend--his opinion is bias. So maybe I was confident and brave. Ron overshadowed me in our relationship. He made me feel insignificant. He made my strenght seem fleeting. I can't just say that I'm strong, courageous and confident. I can't believe it because my best friend assures it's so. I have to feel it in every fiber of my being. Like I do now.

The only way I can explain it is, I let go of my insecurities. I let them drift away, forgotten, and I let confidence and strength take their place. I used to feel so belittled by all the things Ron found wrong with me. Every fight, every insult chipped away at my self-esteem. I felt incapable of building it back up. So I sat back and watched it dwindle away as Ron attacked every aspect of my existence. But after a few small changes and a burst of confidence, I feel completely restored. And it shows. I love that it shows.

I don't know if I could call it happy. I don't know if I fell _happy_, just yet. I do know that I feel something. I know I like whatever that something is. I know that something is better than what I was feeling before. I don't know when or how, but I know that I feel like I could be happy--truly happy--sometime in the future. I deserve a chance at happiness. And I know it's coming for me. Eventually it will get here and I'll be ready for it.

This whole experience will be good for me. I've finally broken all the chains that held me back and I refuse to be brought down, ridiculed, by someone who was supposed to care about me. I won't let it happen again. Never again. I refuse to ever feel _that way_ again.

Ron still thinks I'm going to come trotting back to him, my tail between my legs. Defeated. He thinks he still has that much control over me. He never believed in me. But I have changed...and I'm never going back to him--to that. My only regret is I may have lost one of my best friends in the process. When we were friends everything was fine--sure we fought but not the way we did when we were dating. I want that back, but I don't think it's ever going to happen. While I like the new me, I'm going to miss the old Ron because I don't think we'll ever get him back.

A/N2: So, I haven't been getting emails for alerts and stuff, so I figure everyone else hasn't either...If you're on my alerts list for this story or me as an author (and you're not getting them)...and you'd like to get them personally from me in the meantime (cause I'm probably going to be getting a bunch done soon) just email me at the address that's on the site (you know the little highlighted word **email**). It should give you my personal email address and if you send me yours I'll personally send you an email update sort of thing...Anyway...Review!! You know I'd love you for it..Thanks again! -Mac


	5. I Can't Blame Anyone

A/N: Here's chapter five. Enjoy. R&R! Thanks. -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

**Chapter Five**

**I Can't Blame Anyone**

It was late. Harry and I were alone in the common room. Everyone else had gone to bed long ago. We had a huge potions essay due the next afternoon. I had finished mine hours ago, but I had offered to help Harry out. I was looking over his finished draft. The fortunate thing about Harry was that he actually did much of his work hiimself. He asked for help in fixing any large mistakes he may have made. Unlike Ron who expected me to do his work for him.

I finished the last sentence and handed the parchment back to Harry. "It's really good Harry. You'll do well on it."

"I think I'm actually getting a good grasp on this whole thing." Harry responded. "I guess I have you to thank for that."

I blushed slightly--though I don't know why. "No, it's really all you. Give yourself some credit Harry. You're very intelligent. You just have to make use of it."

That was all we had left to do for the night. I started to collect my things to head for bed, but Harry's hand on my shoulder stopped my movements. I left my things where they were and turned to look at Harry. I gave a questioning look in his direction.

"Could we just talk for a minute?" Harry asked.

"Sure Harry. Is something wrong?" I said, settling back into the couch.

"No," was his only reply.

There was silence for a moment before Harry shifted to completely face me. "Who did you do this for?"

That's a good question. Clever, Harry. But did I know the answer? I guess I did. It wasn't like I could blame anyone for a decision that _I_ had made. Maybe it wasn't about dishing out blame, but still the reason was more about me than anything else.

"Me." I replied simply at first. Looking for Harry's reaction, I found surprise cross his features. I continued, "I did this for myself. I did this to feel better about myself. To feel good about myself. Confident. Strong. To not feel ashamed or insignificant. To feel proud and secure."

"Just you?" Harry tilted his head as he took it in.

"There were people, and their actions--that drove me to it." I admitted. "But I can't blame them. I didn't do it for them. I did it so I could look in the mirror everyday and not always find something wrong. I did it so I could just be me--without someone telling me I was wrong."

Harry paused and then asked his last question. "So it wasn't about Ron? It wasn't for him?"

"Ha. Definitely not." I shook my head vigorously, chuckling a little to myself.

"Are you sure? Because it wouldn't matter if you did." Harry assured. "You would have every right to try and get back at him."

"I know." I agreed. "But no I didn't do it for Ron. It was just an added benefit that it threw him. And sure it was a way of getting back at him--but I didn't originally do it for him. I did it for me."

"I think, maybe, that makes me feel better about this." Harry said. "Although, _I_ don't think you needed to change at all. You were amazing just the way you were."

"Far from it." I shook my head. "You're wonderful for saying that, but it is the farthest thing from the truth."

"No...you were...you are..." Harry started, stumbling to get the right words out.

"I was Ron's girlfriend. Not Hermione. Not my own person. I was Ron's girlfriend. And Ron knew it and he used it. He tore down everything about me so that it was all that I had. So I wouldn't leave him--even though I should have long ago." I explained. I looked at Harry as he thought about what I had just said.

"It really shouldn't have had to end this way." Harry replied.

"No, it shouldn't have." I nodded.

"We both sort of lost a friend on this one." Harry said.

"Ron will come around." I commented, though I wasn't quite sure that was true.

Harry voiced my doubts, "Hopefully."

"He's a good person, he just needs to start _acting_ like it."

"I guess you're right." Harry shrugged then added with a laugh, "As usual."

"Harry, please don't blame him. He made a horrible mistake and hurt me badly. But the relationship was over long before this happened. I needed something to push me over the edge and end it for real. I should have known what was going on with him. I'm usually so observant." I said, shrugging as well.

"It's not your fault either." Harry responded.

"I know." I nodded. "Sometimes things just happen and you can't blame anything for them."

"We should be getting to bed." Harry suggested after we had sat together quietly for a few minutes.

"You're right." I agreed. I started to gather up my things to go to my dormitory. "Night Harry."

"Night 'Mione." Harry reciprocated. "See you in the morning."

I smiled and climbed the stairs toward my room. I had one thought cross my mind that surprised me.

At least I have Harry.

A/N2: So, I haven't been getting emails for alerts and stuff, so I figure everyone else hasn't either...If you're on my alerts list for this story or me as an author (and you're not getting them)...and you'd like to get them personally from me in the meantime (cause I'm probably going to be getting a bunch done soon) just email me at the address that's on the site (you know the little highlighted word **email**). It should give you my personal email address and if you send me yours I'll personally send you an email update sort of thing...Anyway...Review!! You know I'd love you for it..Thanks again! -Mac


	6. I Can't Fake A Smile

A/N: Okay this has taken the longest time to do, this story has. I have completed the story now, but all the chapters are really really short. And I apologize. I just wanted to get this out of the way. I'm winding down to the end in a few of my in prog stories and I wanted this finished. It's not my best, I admit. It's not great. But it's finished. And I'd appreciate feedback. Though if you're just going to say it's bad, I'd rather not hear it cause I already know that. It just has it's moments. It's not very good because of how long it took. But it's complete or it will be once I post the rest of the chapters. Enjoy. R&R. Thanks. -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, well not that I know...hmm...maybe I really do:) No, I guess I don't. Unless JKR would like to hand over the rights to me for my birthday next week? No. Okay.

**Chapter Six**

**I Can't Fake A Smile**

My relationship with Ron was a rocky one at best. And that was from the beginning. We had problems from the start--problems that never seemed to resolve themselves. I always imagined it would get better. If I just gave it time, it would get better. But it never did. In fact, it seemed to get worse as each day passed. I thought if we were both in it, we could make it work. But I've realized that Ron was never really in it--and I never should have been.

I can finally see what I should have seen a long time ago. Every horrid little detail that, if I was thinking logically and rationally, would--should--have made me want to break up things off. He was never the boyfriend he should have been--the one I needed him to be. But I was too preoccupied with him to see.

I had never wanted to hurt Ron. I never wanted him to hurt for any reason. So even when he hurt me, I did everything I could to not hurt him. Even when I was unhappy, I didn't want to hurt him. So I put on a happy face and dealt with it. It didn't matter how much he hurt me, I always put a smile on my face. I took everything he dished out to me. It didn't matter as long as I never hurt him.

He never saw how much he really hurt me. I didn't let him. The only person who ever saw when I was really hurt was Harry. And that's not because I let him see--not everytime at least. Harry just had this way of knowing. He could just see it--even when I didn't want him to. He came to my rescue everytime.

He just knew when I needed someone and he was there. _Everytime_. No matter what, he was there for me, to make sure I wasn't hurting for too long. The person I was to Ron, was the person Harry was to me.

The funny thing is, it should have been Ron. Everything Harry was doing for me was what _Ron_ should have been doing for me. Harry was there for me when Ron wasn't and the thing was he should have had to be. Ron should have been. Harry took care of me when I was upset, when Ron hurt me. Ron never should have hurt me. He should have been taking care of me. He should have been trying to protect me, the way Harry always did. The only problem with that was, Harry was always trying to protect me from _Ron_. But no more.

Maybe I chose the wrong friend?


	7. Making Up For My Mistake

A/N: Here's another chapter. I kind of gave up on this a long time ago and I'm trying to get back into the swing of the story. But, somehow they all ended up being short, so...well...Enjoy. R&R please. Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own HP! Stop asking already. You're just rubbing it in. :(

**Chapter Seven**

**Making Up For My Mistake**

I did choose wrong. I didn't even see it when I should have. I have been so blind to everything that's been going on around me. I can't believe I didn't see it. I should have. I'm supposed to be the observative one. But I didn't see...

Who was the one who was always there for me? Well, it definitely wasn't Ron. He was never there when I needed him. All we ever did was fight and when we fought he pulled as far away from me as he could. Harry always put me first. He was always behind me, beside me. He made _me_ important instead of himself. But if there are any words that describe Hary, they are selfless, noble and caring. There are quite a few more that I can think of, but I don't want to get repetitive.

Harry was the one to stand up for me, defend me. Ron only put me down. Half the time Harry was defending me against Ron--even when he tried so hard not to get in the middle of things. Heck, it was more than half the time. I've said it before, but part of the best part of Harry is his ability--_need_--to protect everyone. Especially me, something I never quite saw.

I've always cared for Harry, _always_. I mean I love Harry. He's my best friend. I never really considered him as anything more than that until just recently. Truth be told, I never thought of Ron as anything more than a friend until everyone else put the idea into my head. Everyone, and I mean _everyone_, kept saying we were perfect for each other. They said the fighting was a symptom of romantic tensions. They said we would grow out of it once we got together. They said a lot of things. But it was was all a load of crock. I've come to realize that I've never cared for Ron any more than I've cared for Harry. Actually, I seem to care for Harry more.

And I've always known that Harry cares deeply about me. He cares deeply from me and Ron both. We're practically all he's got. He considers us family, because we're the closest thing he has to it. But I never looked past that. I never imagined he might feel more than that.

With Ron, I never could tell if he cared or not. Before we started dating, I never thought he could like me. But everyone kept telling me that he did, that _I_ did. I never had any sign that he felt anything for me except him asking me out. I always felt like I wasn't on solid ground with Ron. Like I never knew where I stood with him. That's no way to go through a relationship.

My feet are firmly planted with Harry. And I know the ground will never be ripped out from under me.

It's no question of who cares more about me. It's quite clear. The only question is, why did it take so long for me to see it? Why didn't I see it before everything with Ron? Why did I have to go through all this before it became obvious to me? _Why_?

I guess it's like they say. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I'm no worse for the wear, right? I'm actually feeling better. I'm feeling stronger. Because I've pulled through the hard times and I can only have better days ahead of me.

There's only one thing. I have to tell him.


	8. I Knew My Place

A/N: And here's the next. There are some tense changes that i didn't realize at first, but it still works the way it is. Anyway, this is Harry's POV. Enjoy! R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own HP. Who's ready for the movie and last book?! I am! I am:)

**Chapter Eight**

**I Knew My Place**

**Harry's POV**

"Harry, I made a mistake."

"I didn't know that was possible."

(insert ruler here)

Yesterday, Hermione told me that she made a mistake--that she was finally wrong about something. And while that seems impossible, she was quite convinced. She said it had to do with Ron, _and_ me. After I nodded and remained quiet for her to explain, she began to ramble. And while I've always found it adorable when she rambles, I couldn't understand a word she said.

I caught something about "feelings" and "Ron" and "wrong" but it wasn't coherent and nothing seemed to connect. After I asked her to slow down and repeat herself a couple times, she started to get frustrated. Finally, she took a deep breath and allowed herself to calm down. She waited a moment before she tried again.

And then she said one thing, "Choosing Ron was the biggest mistake of my life, so far at least."

At first I wasn't completely sure of what she was trying to say. She definitely cleared things up for me though. She glanced around the empty common room and looked thankful that we were alone. She sighed softly and smiled at me. The next thing I know, I've found her lips on mine.

(insert ruler here)

I had always cared deeply about my friends. They knew htat. They were all I had. They were my family, more so than any living blood relative of mine. I would do absolutely anything for them, no matter the cost or consequence.

My feelings ran deeper when it came to Hermione. I, regretfully, had come across that realization after Ron had confided in me that he fancied her. And don't think it was something brought on by jealousy. It wasn't. It was something real and true. It was just late coming. I've never been very good with timing. It's rather unfortunate.

I knew my place. It's as simple as that. I knew how Ron felt and from what I heard from our gossip hungry classmates, I could only imagine Hermione felt the same. So I backed off. I'm great at hiding my emotions from everyone. It comes in handy in times like this. That's exactly what I did. I pushed all the feelings away from the surface and let Ron have her. Because I'm the "_selfless, noble, caring_" friend. It didn't matter how I felt. I would put it aside if it meant they were happy (this came into the I would do anything for them category).

But Ron couldn't do it. He kept shying away from it. He liked her, but knowing that and doing something about it were two vastly different things. I practically had to force him into asking her out--it required a lot of pushing, shoving and reassuring. When she accepted, I was crushed of course. I didn't show it, but I was. My thoughts that she returned his sentiments were confirmed. And any hope that I might have still had harbored deep down somewhere was dashed. But if this was the way to see them both happy, then I would handle it. I would have to.

Then he pulls this, this..._rubbish_. I could think of a lot more strongly worded alternatives but she prefers cleaner language so I'll leave it at that. It has the same meaning. If Ron didn't already have everyone convinced that he was thickheaded and dumb, _this_ removes all doubt. I want to bloody strangle some sense into him.

He just doesn't get it. He never saw how much he hurt her. She takes everything so personally and that's not a bad thing most of the time. I just know every malicious word cut at her heart. He came bloody close to shattering it completely. But he never saw it. I always did. My heart hurt for her. I hated to see her hurting, but I didn't know what to do.

But then she tells me this, and I have to go for it. I have to. If she wants me, I'm not going to pass on the opportunity. If she wants _me_, I'm not going to let her slip away. I know I can't let her get away, because I don't think I'll ever get another chance like this.

I have a new place. She has given me a new place. It's beside her, as it has always been. I've always stood beside her and Ron, as they've stood by me. But this time, she's not my best friend's, she's mine. And having her is a feeling I can't describe. I have a new place.


	9. We Have To Deal With Ron

A/N: Here's the next chapter. Again, kinda short. There's a line from Season 2 of Veronica Mars. Kudos if you spot it! Enjoy! R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own HP.

**Chapter Nine**

**We Have To Deal With Ron**

I knew right away that Ron was going to blow up when he found out. We had to be the ones to tell him though, and right away. If we didn't, it would be a lot worse. I was starting to feel quite content in where I was in life. And I didn't want Ron to try and ruin that. Yet he would, whether it was us who told him or not.

We had decided almost immediately that we would tell him as soon as possible. Neither of us wanted to hurt Ron. Even after all he had done, we still cared about him. He was our friend. So we would tell him together and try to keep him as reasonable as possible.

Yet, I still knew right away that Ron was going to blow up when he found out. That's just how he was. And of course I was right.

"What do you mean you're _together_?" Ron exclaimed.

"Ron it means exactly what it means." I tried to remain calm, hoping that if I did he would remain calm as well. "We just wanted you to hear it from us and not from someone else."

"Well, I hear it loud and clear." Ron snapped turning on Harry. "You're trying to steal my..."

"Ron, I'm not _your_ anything." I shook my head. This was not going the way I had wanted.

We had caught up with him in an empty corridor and had persuaded him to talk to us in a nearby deserted classroom. From there, though already quite low, his cooperation level began to dwindle. He was fighting us on everything. He wasn't giving us an easy time of it. But I didn't expect him to.

"You just have to have to have everything, don't you?" Ron scowled, stalking toward Harry. "You've got everything. Why must you have her too? She was the only thing I had. You couldn't just let me have her, could you?"

"You're being ridiculous, Ron." I made to continue but Harry started to speak.

"I did let you have her. I let you have her. Once I found out you liked her, I backed off and let you have her. But you screwed it up." Harry replied. "You lost her, I didn't see her."

"Well, you certainly got over our break up quickly." Ron responded, directing the comment toward me.

My mouth fell open. He had the nerve to accuse me of getting over our relationship too quickly? Who did he think he was? He got over our relationship before it was even over. He had gotten over our relationship practically before it had even begun. He had no right to accuse me of anything.

"Forget it. We wanted to be up front with you. We wanted to tell you for your benefit." I said, frustrated. "I thought you might appreciate it, how stupid of me."

I took Harry's hand and pulled him with me as I headed to the door. Without looking back I left the room and headed down the corridor. Harry gave my hand a little squeeze as means to try and comfort me. I couldn't help but smile at the gesture.

Ron would just have to accept the fact that Harry and I were together. I had accepted him and Lavender. Well, accepted isn't quite the right word. It isn't exactly acceptance. I've moved on and moved past it, or at least I was in the process of doing so. Ron would just have to do the same. I wasn't going to give him any other choice.


	10. I Had A Good Day

A/N: And the second to last. Enjoy. R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own HP, but I did read and finish DH in nine hours. Didn't sleep saturday night. Is that crazy?

**Chapter Ten**

**I Had A Good Day**

Harry and I spent a wonderful afternoon down by the lake. Everything that day had gone exactly as was planned. And I was very content in that. I felt like nothing could possibly go wrong--and it wouldn't.

I had planned to spend the afternoon with Harry, but he surprised me by taking me down by the lake. He had a whole picnic laid out for us, a blanket and picnic basket just waiting for us. We sat down and Harry began to set out all the treats from the basket.

"Harry, this is just wonderful, where did you..." I began then frowned. "Harry..."

"You know Dobby loves to do things for me." Harry chuckled. "Why deny him one of his joys in life?"

"Harry that's not funny." I shook my head, but couldn't fight the smile, that appeared on my face, away.

"Oh, Hermione." Harry responded, still laughing. "He just feels a little indebted to me. I did free him from those dreadful Malfoys."

"Dreadful!" I exclaimed. "What an understatement!"

"Definitely." Harry nodded. "Now enjoy, because you don't want Dobby's hard work to go wasted."

We ate our little lunch quitely, just enjoying each other's presence. When we were done, Harry packed what was left back into the basket. He then sat back and gazed out at the lake. I smiled and crawled from my place next to him to sit between his legs. I leaned my back against his chest and let my head fall back onto his shoulder. His arms snaked around my waist to hold me tightly against him.

After a few moments of watching the sun dance on the lake's surface, I tilted my head to look at Harry. He met my eyes and smiled. I smiled softly back and he pressed a light kiss to my lips before turning back toward the lake.

"This was nice, Harry." I said quietly. "Thank you."

"Your welcome. I think it was good for both of us." Harry responded.

"I've had so many bad days and so-so days recently that I was starting to think there weren't going to be anymore good days for me. But then everything with you happened, and all I could see were bright days ahead of me." I added. "I want to thank you for that too."

"Hermione, you're the one that makes my days bright. If it weren't for you--and sometimes Ron--I'd be overwhelmed by darkness." Harry shifted so he was looking me right in the eyes. "I should be thanking you."

I smiled, "I'll always be here for you."

"And I'll always be there for you." Harry kissed my forehead then kissed me deeply.

I turned my body around, sitting on my knees, so that I was facing him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him kiss me again. His arms went around my waist again, pulling me close. I was filled with this amazing feeling of being exactly where I was supposed to be. And that felt great.

It had been a phenomenal day.


	11. Can We Have A Happy Ending?

A/N: This is the shortest chapter by far. It's basically just a couple concluding paragraphs from both Hermione and Harry's POVs. The first Hermione's and the second Harry's. It's complete, it's over! Done! Finito! lol. Hope you enjoyed. R&R! Enjoy! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: Don't own!

**Chapter Eleven: Epilogue**

**Can We Have A Happy Ending?**

I don't know what's ahead of us. I don't know what's going to happen. But I can see a future for us, like I hadn't seen with Ron. And I can imagine a future, because I know he won't hurt me. He is..._amazing_, for lack of a better word. And that alone assures me of that.

All I know is that I want him in my future. I couldn't imagine it without him. I don't claim to know it's going to be easy. I know it might be rough, it's most likely going to be. It will be hard. It's going to take strength. But Harry gives me strength, and confidence. Security. I know I can face the future and whatever it may bring. I can, if I have him with me.

* * *

**Harry's POV**

My future is very cloudy. I don't know what is going to happen to me or anyone. But for once in my life, I actually have something to look forward to in my future. I know all of it is going to be hard, how my life has been I don't expect anything to be easy anymore. And dealing with Ron will be a lot harder than we had thought. But we can do it. We can do anything together.

With what's coming, I don't know if I'll survive it. But just knowing she'll be with me makes the future look brighter. I will--I have to--survive it. Even if it's only for her.


End file.
